Red Sonja

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Brigitte Nielsen, Sandahl Bergman, Paul L. Smith, Ernie Reyes, Jr.
Directed by: Richard Fleischer
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Action, Adventure, Fantasy
1985

Times Seen:
Tim: 1

Summary: After her entire family is murdered, Sonja (Brigitte Nielsen) becomes a master swordswoman and teams with a mysterious warrior (Arnold Schwarzenegger) to stop an evil Queen (Sandahl Bergman) who wants to use a powerful orb to take over the world.

Review:

Tim: Arnold Schwarzenegger himself has said that this is the worst film he has ever made. While I don't know if this is actually the worst, I believe he got the idea right. Red Sonja features some of the most atrocious dialogue I have ever heard, the most laughable acting you've seen, and more plot holes than you can imagine. In a film that seems to be falling apart at every turn, Richard Fleischer does a yeoman's job in keeping this film together. For such an awful movie, this film also has some guilty pleasures as well (although not many).

As I mentioned, this film's dialogue itself would have ruined the movie. I could barely contain myself from laughing every time someone opened their mouths and uttered some of the stupidest dialogue I've ever heard. It was so hard to take anything or anyone seriously, because of the crap that they utter. Even if everything else in this film was excellent, the movie would have been terrible still, because of the writing.

If this wasn't enough, the acting is equally as bad. Arnold Schwarzenegger has very limited dialogue (which is a good thing), but he's actually the best part of this film. Brigitte Nielsen makes her acting debut here, and she comes across as someone who has never acted before. While she physically looks the part, her performance is one of the most pitiful I have ever seen. She is just awful in this role. If this was a silent role, she would have worked, but when she has to act, it is just godawful.

I couldn't believe how many plot holes were contained in this movie. Logic has completely gone out the window, as we have a number of egregious errors that help to ruin this movie. We have Schwarzenegger call another character by name even though he's never met him, huge lapses in logic, and so much more. This is just a stupid, absurd movie.

Red Sonja does occasionally try to be an epic fantasy film. There is also something endearing about a movie that is just so awful. However, there is very little to be happy about here. This is a terrible movie, and nearly a complete failure. I don't have anything more to say, except that this movie is bad, bad bad.

Rating 1-10
Tim's Rating: 4



If You Enjoyed This Movie, We Recommend: Conan the Barbarian, Conan the Destroyer