Machete Kills

Starring: Danny Trejo, Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez, Mel Gibson, Amber Heard, Charlie Sheen, Antonio Banderas, William Sadler, Demian Bichir, Sofia Vergara, Lady Gaga, Walton Goggins, Cuba Gooding Jr., Vanessa Hudgens, Alexa Vega
Directed by: Robert Rodriguez
Rating: R
Genre: Action, Thriller
2013

Times Seen:
Tim: 1

Summary: Machete (Danny Trejo) reluctantly agrees to work for the U.S. government and infiltrate Mexico to stop a madman bent on launching a nuclear weapon at the U.S.

Review:

Tim: In hindsight, I was way too kind with Machete. Yes, the movie was bad, but it was purposely bad. I got caught up in the ridiculousness of it. Robert Rodriguez lucked out. And yet, here he is again, trying once more. Unfortunately for everyone involved, the shine has worn off. The first film was okay, and it made $26 million at the domestic box office (on a $10 million budget). This film made a measly $8 million. Audiences have definitely tired of this.

It doesn't help that this movie is really bad. Rodriguez pushed the boundaries way too far. The whole movie is basically one ridiculous moment after another. There's almost nothing here that seems realistic or believable. I very quickly grew tired of the craziness of everything on screen. This is a buffoonish, terrible movie. One of the worst moments was early on when Machete grabs a bad guy by the throat and stabs his machete into an electrical box, sending electricity through his machete, through his body, and into the bad guy. The bad guy gets electrocuted, but Machete is fine. I rolled my eyes because I honestly couldn't think of what else to do. It wasn't cute or funny, it was just plain stupid.

Danny Trejo is once again completely average in his role. He certainly has some interesting qualities, but he doesn't have the ability to carry a movie on his own. That's one of a hundred flaws in this movie. It was nice to see Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez reprise their roles, but neither of them adds a whole lot to the film. I liked seeing Mel Gibson in this villain role. He was cheeky and over-the-top and one of the most fun parts of the movie. He looked completely ridiculous, but that is beside the point. Amber Heard was okay. I suppose that it was pretty funny to cast Charlie Sheen as the U.S. President, but it only adds to the absurdity of the whole film. Antonio Banderas' talent was wasted, as was Cuba Gooding Jr.'s. The rest of the cast was average. Truth be told, none of them matter because the movie is just so bad.

The story is basically one ridiculous set piece after another. The script is awful. None of it actually makes any sense. The movie is 107 minutes long and it honestly felt about 50 minutes too long.

I'm never been a fan of these "Grindhouse" movies and Machete Kills is one of the worst. I'm actually pretty excited that this movie did so poorly at the box office. Hopefully, this is the last film and the last time so many good actors will completely waste their talent.

Rating 1-10
Tim's Rating- 4.5



If You Enjoyed This Movie, We Recommend: Grindhouse: Death Proof, Grindhouse: Planet Terror, Machete