Dark Shadows

Starring: Johnny Depp, Eva Green, Michelle Pfeiffer, Helena Bonham Carter, Jonny Lee Miller, Jackie Earle Haley, Chloe Grace Moretz, Bella Heathcote, Gulliver McGrath, Christopher Lee, Alice Cooper
Directed by: Tim Burton
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
2012

Times Seen:
Tim: 1

Summary: a vampire (Johnny Depp) imprisoned for 200 years is set free, where he connects with his family's descendants and tries to help them resurrect the family business.

Review:

Tim: So, on the one hand, bravo for creating a very different, unexpected movie like Dark Shadows. This is certainly not a film you see very often. I appreciate how different it was. On the other hand, this movie is pretty terrible. I really think it's time to break up the Tim Burton-Johnny Depp love affair. These guys need to realize there's so much other great talent out there. They had a great run, but it's time to stop making movies together. This awful film should be the last straw.

I struggle to really explain why I disliked this movie so much. It's not that watching it was particularly miserable, it's just that there was nothing I liked in the entire film. The story was stupid, probably because it's based on a cheesy 60s-70s television show. I appreciate when a film wants to remain true to the source material, but when the source material seems dated and silly (I'm guessing, since I never watched the original show), it hurts the end result. I suppose if you grew up watching the television show, maybe you liked this movie more? However, for mainstream audiences, all the connections and clever twists on the old stories won't mean anything.

The whole movie does feel like a stylish soap opera, which is not a good thing. Yes, I understand this was done purposefully, but it does not make for a very entertaining or strong movie. This film needed to make more departures from the episodic, soap opera style of the original show. This is a single movie, and the story needed to be a better fit for that style.

There's a very good cast in place here, but I felt disappointed in them as a whole. Johnny Depp is fine as Barnabas Collins. He's played these oddball characters enough that he can rely on his experience to give an interesting, entertaining performance. I didn't love him or the character, but I don't have many complaints. Eva Green was actually a good choice for the villain. I'm not a huge fan of Green, but she gave a good performance. She was a bit of an unexpected choice, but she worked. I thought the backstory between Deep and Green was one of the better parts of the entire film. I really like Michelle Pfeiffer, but she didn't have a great deal to do here. She was a big part of the story early on, and then it's like the writers forgot all about her character. I can't think of anything of substance she does in the middle of the film, all the way until she randomly busts out the shotgun at the end. I think Helena Bonham Carter is a very overrated actress, and is lucky she's married to Tim Burton. Her performance did nothing for me here. I like Jonny Lee Miller and Jackie Earle Haley, but neither contributed a great deal to the film. I'm a huge fan of Chloe Grace Moretz, as I really think she has the talent to be a truly great actress. She's completely wasted in this role, though. She adds nothing to the movie, and her performance was boring and bland.

I really believe that Tim Burton made this film a love letter to the fans of the original television show. I suppose that's fine, but it alienates the vast majority of his viewing audience. I felt completely left out of the joke throughout the whole film. That probably added to the fact that this movie was completely unfunny, which is never a good thing for a comedy. The script was poorly constructed, and I felt no connection to any character at any point in the entire film. The whole thing was a farce, and I never cared about anything I saw on screen. That's a major disappointment.

I suppose if you watched the television show, you might like this movie more. But, for casual moviegoers, I don't understand what would be appealing about Dark Shadows to you. And, at the end of this weak, flawed movie, they hint at a possible plot for a sequel. Honestly, I really, really hope that movie never gets made. It was bad enough sitting through this film (which at 113 minutes, still felt a good 15 minutes too long), and I really have no desire to see the continued adventures of Barnabas Collins or his bland, lackluster family.

Rating 1-10
Tim's Rating: 5



If You Enjoyed This Movie, We Recommend: The Dark Shadows television series, Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street, Alice in Wonderland