Cats

Starring: Robbie Fairchild, Francesca Hayward, Mette Towley, Laurie Davidson, Idris Elba, Rebel Wilson, Jennifer Hudson, James Corden, Ray Winstone, Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, Taylor Swift
Directed by: Tom Hooper
Rating: PG
Genre: Comedy, Drama
2019

Times Seen:
Tim: 1

Summary: A cat cult must decide which member gets a new life, or something like that.

Review:

Tim: Cats became a punching bag toward the end of 2019- it was the movie everyone loved to pile on and criticize. Was it treated unfairly? Well, no. Tom Hooper's Broadway adaptation is indeed an unmitigated disaster. However, throughout Hollywood history, there's been far worse movies. Cats is terrible, yes, but it's not even close to the worst movie ever made (which admittedly, isn't much praise).

I've never seen the world famous play, so this was my first introduction into the world of Jellicle cats. Side note- the word "Jellicle" holds a record in my life from the quickest time to first hearing a word to absolutely despising it. That opening song where it comes up again and again was a devastating way to open the movie. Without context, I just got angrier and angrier- "What the hell are they saying? Is it 'jellicle'?" "What does that even mean?" So, it was a rough beginning. I'm actually a bit curious because I know the play is one of the longest-running productions. I would have assumed it was a great play. Based on the story as depicted here, it seemed so incredibly, shockingly stupid.

Apparently, we the audience are supposed to care about this tribe of cats. Most of them act selfishly or brutally towards each other. There's some big cat ritual where a Jellicle cat gets a new life or something? I truly couldn't comprehend what the prize at the end was. There's a magic cat who wants it for himself. I... I don't know what else to say. I think that's the plot? The whole thing was so bizarre, so offputting. I never cared about these cats. Not one, not for a second. Why should I? The movie gives no reasons. We're thrust into this cat world and it's just insanity. I'm watching this story and thinking to myself, "Millions of people have seen this play? And apparently didn't loathe it?" I can't comprehend what changed from play to screen, but the story seemed like utter nonsense.

I suppose I need to address the visual issues. I think a lot of people obsessed over this aspect of the film (and to be fair, it's heinous), but didn't spend enough time talking about how stupid the story was. The story was the biggest issue to me. But, yeah, the visuals are disturbing. I assume people's revulsion comes from the Uncanny Valley concept. These cats are humanlike (since they're obviously played by humans), but there is something off about them. It's a bit horrifying how they are depicted. I immediately hated it, from the opening shot. The visual work to create them must have been impressive from a technical standpoint, but it just doesn't work on screen. The characters are awful to look at. Hooper and his team created monstrosities, not humanlike cats. It's definitely a big issue with the film.

I mostly just feel bad for the cast. Francesa Hayward, Robbie Fairchild, and Laurie Davidson all gave what I approximate as good performances. They're talented and comfortable in these roles. The cat effects hurt their effectiveness, but you could see their talent shining through. The supporting characters, actors I actually know, just seemed silly. I pitied them for showing up here. Idris Elba might have appeared the silliest. He looks ridiculous as a cat. The whole time I watched him, all I could think of was, "Why, Idris? Why did you sign up to do this terrible film?" I cringed at his performance. Rebel Wilson and James Corden were fine. They didn't do anything especially good and just played versions of themselves. I didn't have high expectations for either of them. Ray Winstone was a true headscratcher. I have no idea why he agreed to play this pointless role. He added nothing and just seemed awful. Judi Dench is talented enough that despite how ridiculous she looked, you could tell she gave a good performance. I applaud her for what he did, although it doesn't amount to much. I also felt for Ian McKellen. He's a good actor, but he certainly doesn't seem good here. I know Taylor Swift was in the film. She sang a song, but I couldn't tell you a single thing about it. Jennifer Hudson was actually impressive. She gets the film's best song, which helps, but she did good work. Her performance did get a bit melodramatic, but she was one of the most effective in the cast. As a whole, I don't think a bad cast was assembled, they just all seem bad in light of the film.

I have to say, I mostly hated the music. It might not have been terrible, but it came across that way. So many songs are filled with stupid cat names, I just didn't care. "Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats" was infuriating, as I've mentioned. From there, it's Bustopher Jones, Mungojerrie, Rumpleteazer, Old Deuteronomy, Gus, Mr. Mistoffeles... I could go on, but it's just absurd. The one highlight is "Memory", which is truly one of the all-time great Broadway songs. In the movie, it was almost shocking. It was actually a beautiful song (familiar to people who aren't familiar with the play) and it felt so out of place here. It was easily the highlight of the movie.

I've wasted enough time on Cats. This is a disaster of a movie. Tom Hooper is a good director, but this is the kind of failure that will follow him. It's a laughable mess and a waste of time to watch. It might not be the worst, but it's an awful film.

Rating 1-10
Tim's Rating: 4



If You Enjoyed This Movie, We Recommend: I got nothing for you. Hamilton, maybe, because it's a good play/movie.