The Animal

Starring: Rob Schneider, Colleen Haskell, John C. McGinley, Edward Asner, Michael Caton, Louis Lombardi, Guy Torry, Scott Wilson, Norm MacDonald, Adam Sandler (cameo)
Directed by: Luke Greenfield
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Comedy
2001

Times Seen:
Tim: 1

Summary: A man (Rob Schneider) is transplanted with animal organs, taking on the characteristics of those animals.

Review:

Tim: I really don't think I can convey the sheer levels of awfulness that The Animal reaches. This is truly a horrendous, soul-crushing movie. First off, try to read that Summary I just wrote again. It physically pained me to write that. What does that even mean? How would a human being receive a transplant from a dog, cat, monkey, dolphin, goat, and possibly others? And, even if he did, and survived, why on earth would he suddenly get animal powers and characteristics? Does that make any sense at all? In what dark world is this a good idea for a movie, or funny in the least? Everyone involved with this film disgusts me.

Why this movie was made is beyond me. I just don't understand the appeal of Rob Schneider, or how he continues to get work, never mind starring roles. The less screen time Schneider has, the better (He's hilarious when he says, "You can do it!" in those Adam Sandler movies. Any more than that, and he sucks). He's just awful here. I suppose I should applaud him for putting in such a physical performance? I don't know. I truly struggle to write anything positive about him at all. I watched his performance, horrified at what a human being would stoop to, in order to get "fame" and money. In a pathetic career, this could be the abysmal low point.

Perhaps even worse, the filmmakers decided to cast Colleen Haskell as Schneider's love interest. Well, sure, she was an average cast member on the first season of Survivor. That makes a lot of sense. Nevermind the fact that she can't act, is boring to look at, and has no business being in a movie. Is it surprising to anyone that she acted in this movie, did two television episodes, and hasn't acted since 2002? The casting was truly pathetic, pandering to what might have been "popular" in the moment. Haskell is terrible. It pains me to mention John C. McGinley, because I really, really like him. Shame on him for doing this film, but I do understand the guy has to eat and roles like this don't come every day. He is easily the best part of the film, which isn't saying much. Moving on- why on earth is Edward Asner here? My god, I feel so bad for him. Norm MacDonald has a very funny scene (probably the best scene in the whole film), and I'm glad Adam Sandler showed up in a cameo to see firsthand what crap his Happy Madison label was putting out.

I honestly don't know how much more I can write. The story is incredibly stupid, and it lost me almost from the opening scene. There's almost no redeeming qualities in the entire film. It's one of the stupidest, biggest wastes of time I've ever seen (and I have watched literally thousands of movies). The Animal might have received the lowest possible rating I could give it, but I was kind. I loved Norm MacDonald, and it was fun seeing McGinley get some screen time, even in an awful movie. Rob Schneider should have been banned for life after this flick, but alas, he'll continue to haunt my dreams. This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen.

Rating 1-10
Tim's Rating- 1.5



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